The following is an article written by Soror SeC for Lion and Serpent, volume 9, number 1, after experiencing NOTOCON IV.  The full article in it’s original format can be found here http://sekhetmaat.com/wiki/journal

 If you would like to contribute your own NOTOCON story, please send it to onsite@notocon.org

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I am fierce about my freedom.  And yet, communities can do things that individuals cannot.  I joined the O.T.O. to learn how this paradox might resolve itself. Thelema had been a part of my life for 9 years prior, and if anything was going to provide a resolution, it would be related to Thelema. I wondered: could this random group of strangers hold themselves together by the thread of this strangely fluid and poetic philosophy? Could the differences between people create a more unified whole, rather than splitting under the force of their own dissent? Could one be a part of a group without sacrificing self to the slavery of mob-mentality? What is community for, and how do we dance as individuals within it? While I can trace my journey toward answers in my daily life, the placement of NOTOCON outside of ordinary life makes it a peculiar benchmark.

 In 1999, I took my Minerval two weeks before NOTOCON was held in Portland the first time. .”You can go to NOTOCON now!”, someone exclaimed, directly following the initiation.

 “Hm. What happens at NOTOCON?” I asked.

 “Lots of parties!”, someone else answered.

 Er… I think I’ll pass…

 I eased myself into the Portland O.T.O. community, experimenting, observing. Watching for what I could do to it, and what it could do to me.  Reaching for insight into the resolution of the paradox between the one and the many, I offered a piece of myself and waited for the results. Plop: a drop in the crucible. Plop, plop, someone else was adding drops.  And another…And another… Heat. Stir. Revealed: a brick.

 I got back a brick.

 I gave more. In an intense and near-instant alchemy of recursion, my pieces transmuted through the community to become the stuff to construct the community, in turn generating pieces for the next brick. The strokes of my paintbrush became the walls of the Lodge. The strokes of my fingers became the code comprising the programs that connect us to the world beyond those walls. My complaints and processes became part of the structures that enable us to engage in the more important business of creation. And through all of this, my pieces were the pieces I chose to give. It was my own strengths as an individual I offered. And found that was all the community wanted anyway.

 Curious. Unexpected. But could it hold up elsewhere, or were we just weird here? Let’s begin to dance.

In 2001, I went to NOTOCON in California. From my journal: .Love and joy and beauty, we come from everywhere, all things unknown to each other.  But those differences are where joy springs from; we are the wellsprings of life.. There it was…the paradox resolving. A group of radically disparate individuals, from all parts of the world, all classes, all as fierce as I am about their freedom, yet exploding into a transcendent whole, speaking as person to person; participating as individual to group: I talked to a lot of people. I had something to say to everyone. I even went to a room party! The experience of freedom within the group dynamic that I had in the Valley of Portland extended beyond our borders. The experience of freedom within the group was something that moved with us because of who we were, not because of where we were.

 Now my participation in the Portland O.T.O. community is a natural extension of the momentum of my own life. And the community is a natural extension of me. The bricks of the community aren’t mine; they are my pieces mixed with the pieces of others, fused in the furnace of love and laid in the transcendence of completion. We dance together. We architect, build, destroy, engineer again. The things that make me and each person in the community an individual are what forge the bricks that are so innovative, and so strong. We dance together. How delightful that NOTOCON would be [in Portland] in 2003!

In 2003, I didn.t just go to NOTOCON. I helped build NOTOCON. I offered my pieces to manifest registration, Certified Initiator Training, the CIT Reception Art Show, and the media for the event. It was happening in my living room; I got to show people things I love and share my world with them. They shared themselves with me, delighting in our differences. I was not the non-participant of 1999, not the analytical observer of 2001. I was a star in the galaxy that was NOTOCON. And so was every other person there, whether they were observing, or participating, or engineering, or sleeping.

 This is the dance: We are all individuals, fierce about our freedom.

This is the dance: The whole harnesses the power of that freedom to transcend the sum of its parts.

 NOTOCON wasn’t just about my internalized experiences. It wasn.t just about my community in Portland, or about the NOTOCON committee. It wasn’t even about a conference at the Edgefield. For me, NOTOCON 2003 was about that brief bright moment where all of us manifested an island of beauty; a pool of light that is this revolutionary thing: A functional culture,each person building a whole without sacrifice of freedom, to manifest a galaxy of stars.

 The paradox resolves.

The following is an article written by Soror Isabella for Lion and Serpent, volume 6, number 4, after experiencing NOTOCON III.  The full article in it’s original format can be found here http://sekhetmaat.com/wiki/journal

 If you would like to contribute your own NOTOCON story, please send it to onsite@notocon.org

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Divine Fraternity

A Report from the National

O.T.O. Conference

by Soror Isabella

 We arrived on Thursday afternoon. The hotel lobby was filled with Brothers and Sisters lugging bags, standing in line, and just sitting and watching the crowd. There was a nearly constant stream of greetings and waves thrown across the room, shouts of recognition and of joy, and running hugs. The air hung with anticipation; who would arrive next? NOTOCON 2001 was about to begin.

 After settling in, a couple dozen of us gathered on the patio for drinks in the late afternoon, pulling tables together, introducing ourselves to new friends, and catching up with old ones. I am always amazed at how easily Thelemites can identify each other. We need not wear a lamen shirt, or present ourselves in any particular way. We just know each other on sight, smiling shyly across the room until introductions are made.

The first event was scheduled for that evening, an art opening at a nearby gallery. The work of many Thelemic artists was shown, some well established masters, like J.F.C. Fuller, Austin Osman Spare, Harry Smith and Aleister Crowley himself, and some current artists, including our own Brother JT from Portland whose City of the Sun looked right at home. It was a divine feast for the eyes. I had never seen Fuller’s work before, and it took my breath away. Among the modern artists, Sister CT stole the show for me with her amazing rendition of the Stele of Revealing and a large, three-dimensional Tree of Life. The gallery was overflowing with people; we spilled out onto the sidewalk, sipping wine in the soft southern California air. A certain well-known Thelemic filmmaker drifted in and out of the crowd, and several non-initiates came to enjoy the show. The atmosphere was light and sparkling, with conversations bubbling up all round. Right then I knew this would be a weekend to remember.

Friday we attended an initiation workshop led by several prominent initiators; others spent the day touring the local sites in Long Beach. That evening, we gathered on the terrace for cocktails, munchies and opening remarks. It was hard to believe the conference was only just beginning. The portly and pleasant Deputy Grand Master gave a patently pleasing, paternal and poignant address, later proffering Pez to prominent people. The band played, the line at the bar remained steady, and the scent of the sea wafted in the air. Around nine o’clock, people broke into informal groups and went to dinner at some of the various restaurants in the area. Downtown Long Beach has a thriving nightlife  these days, and there was no shortage of places to choose from. I ended up with a large group at a Middle Eastern restaurant, dining well, and watching my brothers and sisters tuck bills into the belly dancer’s costume (and maybe tucking in a few myself…).   Many of us stayed up way too late in one of the many room parties in the hotel. Some of us even left various articles of clothing in those rooms.

Saturday morning the papers andpresentations began at the reasonably civilized hour of 9:30. (I slept through the yoga and Tai Chi sessions offered earlier.) There were always two concurrent events, and most of us wished we could have seen both. Luckily, the videos are available, and before too long we hope to have a full collection at the Center.   I attended Frater IO Pan’s talk on Tools of Divination, which presented an interesting approach to seeking the sacred wherever we are at any given time 

For lunch we headed to Divine Foods, a sumptuous ten-course meal prepared by Sister CT that included such delicacies as caviar, champagne sorbet, paté and many more dishes, all served with a wonderful wine designed to bring the divine directly to our palates. It was truly one of the most memorable meals I have ever tasted. 

Slightly groggy from all the food, I headed next to Sister Content’s discussion of Divine Pleasure, an engaging exploration of the history of the sacred prostitute. She is an excellent speaker and well versed in her topic, and could easily have filled the entire afternoon. 

Next we once again explored the divine as experienced through the taste buds with Sister LC and Brother SC at Divine Wines, which included a wonderful lecture and slideshow on the historical sacramental uses of that nectar, along with about eleven different vintages. 

After quite a bit of strong coffee and a bracing shower, we were ready for the Banquet of the Stars. Everyone donned their finest apparel and headed to the beautiful ballroom. Sabazius gave a moving address about the direction of the Order. I was reminded once again of how lucky we are in our King. His speech is available on the Grand Lodge website, and I highly recommend checking it out. He then announced the formation of the new O.T.O. Grand Lodge Building Fund, to a rousing round of applause. The dream of an OTO-owned building has been long held by many of us, and it now looks like it may be in sight, thanks largely to S&L from Oklahoma. 

Then the entertainment began with a sensuous and lovely dance by Sister L from southern Oregon, followed by a production of The Ship. As  far as we know, this was the first time The Ship has ever been produced. Brother CP produced, directed and starred in the show, and by the  end, nearly all of us needed to wipe the tears from our cheeks. It was the highpoint of the conference for me, and I’m afraid I cried like a little girl in the arms of Soror Ariche. 

Once again, many of us stayed up later than our bodies were content with, drinking, chatting, and just basking in the beauty of so many of us looking so lovely and dapper. I was touched at how hard people had worked and how much they had given to bring us to where we are today, not just in the hard work that went into The Ship, and into the conference itself, but the work over the decades that it’s taken to bring

this Order to where it is today. There were many old timers there, and the current O.T.O. is largely built on their sacrifices and their determination and will to realize Crowley’s vision. We owe a debt that can only be paid by building on their work for the next generations.

Sunday, I slept through yoga, tai chi, and Sister Constance’s Morning Devotionals, the last of which I had attended at the Portland NOTOCON. Brother Tim M. presented an excellent talk on Scientific Meditation, which looked to bridge the gap between science and the sacred. Then came an abbreviated version of Brother Lon and Sister Constance’s Gnostic Mass seminar, which many of us recall from their full presentation in Portland several years ago. This was the third time I’d heard their talk, and I continue to unfold into greater understanding of this ritual every time.  

The mood changed at lunch on Sunday. We all knew the weekend was coming to an end. Some people were already preparing to leave. We gathered on the same terrace that we had gathered on for the opening, exchanging email addresses, buying the last of the Tshirts, and saying the first of our goodbyes to those who were leaving. The door finally opened for Mass, and of course Sabazius and Soror Helena did a stellar performance as always. The communion cups were a deep cobalt blue, with the O.T.O. lamen and “Deus Est Homo” imprinted upon them in gold. Much to our surprise, we got to keep our cup as a wonderful souvenir. After Mass, we enjoyed the dessert buffet, and began more melancholy goodbyes. When it came time for closing remarks, our numbers were quite reduced. 

Sunday evening, many of us remained in the post conference haze, exhausted from too little sleep over several days, but still looking for just one more experience of the divine fraternal before we headed home. I joined up with about 20 folks at a local place for margaritas and Mexican food, and later found myself in the conference suite at a sedate after-party. The conference organizers glowed with both pride and sleep deprivation while their feet were lovingly massaged.

On Monday morning, the few remaining attendees said our final farewells over breakfast. We gathered our group and headed for LAX. Amazingly, it turned out that Sister MCS and Brother MS were seated next to us for the flight home, and we were able to enjoy their reunion with their pod at the gate in Portland as the final touch of the weekend.

Everyone who worked on the conference did an amazing job. I’ve been lucky enough to attend all three conferences, and the bar was definitely raised in Long Beach, particularly with the additional day for the initiation workshop, the art show, the “labs” of food and wine, and the stirring performance of The Ship. My hat is off to Sister KJ, Brother RC, and their amazing crew for a job very well done.

I sometimes wonder why I’m in the O.T.O., why I give so much for what often seems like minimal payoff (this usually occurs when the  enter hasn’t been left clean…). These large gatherings remind me — not of why I’m willing to continue devoting my life to Thelema by working in the O.T.O., but why I’m blessed to have the opportunity to do so.